It would be fair for you to ask what Righteous Indignation has to do with Grandparents’ Rights and Responsibilities. Let me create a scenario that will illustrate how devastating it can be to your happiness as a Grandparent.
A Scenario
Your son gets divorced after nine years of marriage. During those nine years, you spent much time with the Grandkids. You feel like you partially raised them since you cared for them when they were sick so their Mother could go to work. You took them to school, participated in all the extracurricular activities, and lavished them with gifts, etc. Let’s say the divorce isn’t going smoothly, but you still get to see the kids some. As it turns out, the Mother gets sole custody with partial visitations every other weekend. As the bile increases, kids exchange is often done at your home with no words between the spouses. Say your son misses a child support payment. The tension builds, and then their Mother goes back to court and gets 100% custody, and by now, she is seeing someone else. After the divorce is final, she gets remarried, and all the while, she is terrible at mouthing your son to the kids and anyone who will listen, even though their Dad Loves them and wants time with them.
If you are lucky, she will still let the kids visit their Grandparents now and then but not with their Dad in your house. Your instinct is to feel deeply for your son and see the unfairness she is displaying. Enter Righteous. She is being unfair and mean to your son. The resentment builds and turns into Indignation, which is understandable.
The stage is set for the most common mistake that Grandparents that are or feel alienated make. They feel like they must state their case. As Righteous as it is and as Yucky as the Indignation is, the moment you open your mouth to tell the Mother how you feel, you have crossed a bridge you can not come back over. At this point, I ask you to ask yourselves, “How much am I willing to pay to be RIGHT”? It is those words, no matter how true or deserved, that you lash out and say that will seal the fate of you getting to see those Grandchildren in the future.
Please don’t shoot the messenger, but this happens so often, and it is a disease for which there is no cure.
Thank You for being a Caring Grandparent.
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