CONNECTING vs. COMMUNICATING

Like many families, my Grandkids pass the phone around among the three of them when they call Grandpa Neil. My greatest blessing is that this happens most Sunday mornings when they are on their way to church. They are now in their mid-teens, but I remember when my grandson was 8 or 9, and I was painfully aware that all I could think to ask him each week was, “How is School?’ You guessed it, one-word answer, “Fine.” I quickly became aware that I needed to ask better questions.

Since I cherish this practice of the kids calling me, I set out to do my part of upping my game and making these calls something that they enjoyed rather than them doing it out of duty. Since my Grandkids live some 6 hours away, I depend on their parents and siblings for the subject matter. The other thing I do is that when I see them, I carve out time to be with each one individually. I ask open-ended questions about things like their best friends, fears, sports or extracurricular activities they participate in, what they read these days, etc. When they share an interest or concern, I will read a book on the subject and then send them a copy of that book if I find it appropriate and helpful. (hint; I never ask them if they have read it; if they did, they would bring it up.).

This is to let you know there is nothing easy about connecting in areas of their lives that interest them, but the rewards are commensurate with the effort. I am also sure to tell them I always ask their parents about them. They KNOW I care, and nothing is more important or impactful in the Grandparent/Grandchild relationship than our opportunities to show a united front with the parents in caring about them.

This may not work for you, but I tell my Grandchildren and their parents they have a “Get out of jail free card” with me. I qualify this to let them know I will only tell their parents if it is harmful. I do this because of my belief that every young person deserves a significant trusted adult, other than a parent, in their lives. Good News, my oldest Grandkid is 35, and my youngest Great grandchild is eight, and I have never had one of those “Get out of jail free” cards redeemed. My purpose is for them to know that someone other than their parent, Loves and cares about them. This is one of the most powerful things any young person can keep in their back pocket as they go through this life.

Thanks for being a Caring Grandparent